dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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