girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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