I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you win again, gameday.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
