He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
