I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
