A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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