He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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