Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
