I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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