Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
