420 ftw
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
did i walk over a car last night?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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