i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
