If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
