Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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