If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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