Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
