Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
