Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think my moral compass just broke
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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