Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
