I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
