happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
