Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
pop tarts are not kleenex
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
