A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
