Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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