my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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