And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
