We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
