'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
