we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We're too hungover to prance.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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