Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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