Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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