Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
