im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
