since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize