Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
