I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
