I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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