If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
