Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
