i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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