Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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