She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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