spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
