I think I died a long time ago.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
