Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
