she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
