"it" just moved
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
