he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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