i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
