In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
