i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
