toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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