You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
