Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
