we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
