you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
