He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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