he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
