check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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