I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
