you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
