i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I love you. Go after that dick
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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