I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
