Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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