Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
