I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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