So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
