She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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