My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
