i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
