she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
