I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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