I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
