All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
