I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
