capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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