ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
