Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
