God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
