Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
