In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
